Thursday, July 2, 2009

Infidelity.... Generic to the XY Chromosome?


On Larry King Live about two weeks ago, there was an ongoing discussion about the mysterious 4-day disappearance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeVfFhewIjA) and subsequent press conference of Mark Sanford, the US governor of South Carolina. Turns out he went on a, should I say; 'romantic rendezvous' with a new found lover in Argentina. At a press conference upon his return, he confessed to having had an affair and claimed that he was sorry for having disappointed so many people especially his family and friends. Governor Mark Sanford, a highly respected, promising politician with many political ambitions. It has been said that prior to this, he was in the running for the Republican seat as the possible next contender to take on Barack Obama in 2012. The question is, why would he ever think of committing infidelity? Especially at a time like this when so much repect is given him and expected of him? Why would he want to jeopardise it all? I mean, the importance of remaining in the good books of the people at this point in his career cannot be overemphasised. So why?
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uSNwjJaPAo)



Well, Mark Sanford is not the first and definitely not the last American politician to committ adultery. Over the years there have been so many reports of cheating politicians (congressmen, senators, governors, presidents, you name it!) in the States that have been caught up in some issue of infidelity or the other. There was the famous Clinton/Lewinsky scandal from a couple of years back, then; John Edwards the ex. North Carolina Senator, the former governor and attorney general of New York State, Eliot Spitzer, John McCain, and the list is endless. Is it as a result of the stresses and pressures of being a government official that lead them to this?

Unfortunately (or not) it's not only Americans politicians that are struggling to keep their pants on. There have been numerous claims of infidelity amongst politicians right here in Ghana. Here however, such cases more often than not remain an 'open secret'. Although it is seen on the regular, no one ever wants to talk about it publicly. Possibly, out of the excessive fear experienced in our society of the 'powers that be' - very much unlike what happens in U S of A (don't you just love America! lol). The unlucky few like the Hon. Richard Anane's however have had to face much public disgrace. He had his dirty linen washed in public back in the day. I have personally heard stories from friends who either were directly involved or had friends who were having affairs with some politician or the other. Many of these famous politicians are regularly spotted on the campuses of our universities, - no, not only on official duty or at official hours, but at the oddest hours and in the oddest places! There was one case where a friend's roommate was alleged to be having an affair with one such very popular minister of state. My friend told me how this Minister would come over regularly to their tiny campus room and would be seen sitting on her roommates bed drinking ' voltic mineral water' from a sachet, very comfortable and unconcerned. He would then leave with her shortly after, sometimes dropping her off late at night or the following morning. So maybe it is a thing with all politicians, irrespective of their nationalities?

No again dear reader! I have personally known many people in my immediate circles who have been victims to this menace. 'The high and mighty' in society as I like to call them; yea, the highly respected, often pot-bellied men with respectable positions and well-paid jobs in society, some very easily old enough to be the father's of their 'victims' driving most times the most fashionable cars in town; MD's of reputable banks and other institutions, lawyers, doctor's, lecturers and professors, rich business men, and the list continues. I've personally had experiences of my own in fact; several sexual advances made at me by such unruly men. What makes it most shocking is the fact that these days they no longer hide their wedding bands!! They proudly sport them and even openly talk about their wives, some even having the nerve to claim that they are 'happily married'.

Yes infact, infidelity amongst married men has become so rampant in the Ghanaian society these days. It is rather sad and unbelievable. One of our favourite lecturers ever mentioned in class that husbands cheating on wives is purely generic to the male species and therefore inevitable. He urged that wives should not waste their time hurting about being cheated; but rather, use that time to pray that their husbands continue to provide for them and their families and that they would have the decency to 'go at it' with a condom, so as not to infect them with any kind of disease.

Then there was the case of a very popular and respected professor on campus who was spotted on the regular paying visits to a particular girl in a hostel back on campus. His car would often be spotted parked right outside the hostel at the ungodliest of hours. Sometimes, he would be seen dropping her off; or picking her up late at night or at the crack of the dawn. They did make the strangest of couples those two, the man being smallish and petite while the girl was a giant of a woman, tall and very large. It was quite amusing really.

So, it looks like it is the fixing of social status and feel of personal success and the need for a further boost of ego that pushes elderly, respectable men to so as to say 'spread their wild oats'.

I ever had a discussion with friends (males and females) on this topic, we were trying to put a reason to why men so often cheat more than women. We concluded that womanising is a necessary stage of a man's life. Men were not created to be naturaly monogamous beings. We agreed that that the crazy lecherous pursuit of women however was a stage in their lives and normally would happen at some point in any normal man's life. Some men in their teenage or university years were popular amongst the females as a result of their being handsome and/or athletes or sons of rich men who wore the nicest clothes and as such were exposed to that stage of life earlier. Other, unlucky ones -so to speak - were probably unpopular because they were shy or had none of the added pluses the afore mentioned had . They only start to gain the attention of women once they start climbing the ladder of social status with a fancy car, job, expensive suits and whatnot. At this point, the new attention is overwhelming and they are unable to handle it. Some other men however, were always part of the 'lucky' and always have had that attention. These either remain womanisers for ever, or they learn their lessons somewhere along the line and settle down.

Women cheat to. But however, I dare say women are a lot more discrete with it,
in Ghana at least. Mostly, women who cheat do it only because there is something wrong in their relationships. Not a justification though ofcourse. Ghaniaan women are probably most discrete because of the way society treats a cheating wife. It is the biggest and worst of taboos; traditionally in small towns and villages, such women if caught are banished from their villages and ostracized. However, a cheating husband in the same society is considered as being normal - and infact, not cheating at all; just a normal, matter of cause.

Talking about the exceptions - bashful unashamed cheating women, many stories have been told of women in power who go around clubs picking up 'young boys'. Some don't even waste time to go into the clubs, they just pick up from their immediate environs; subordinates at work, garden boys and even watch men.

So perhaps, it is just the high social standing in society that is the cause. The money, the fame, the ego-boosters and perhaps even the sex of the individual is pretty much irrelevant.

I don't know how many of you have watched this reality TV program called 'Cheaters' on DSTV. Cheaters is about this company being run to find out cheating partners. They have a team of private investigators that specialize in detecting infidelity. They work 24/7 to investigate on the possibility of cheating partners- both male and female. They are hired by doubting and suspecting spouses to investigate and show proof of a cheating spouse. Once proof has been produced, cheaters crew create an avenue for the complainant to catch the cheater red-handed and for an often much-relished confrontation between the two; 'cheater and the cheated' infront of camera men. You can only imagine the kind of things that go on. I wish there would be a Cheater's program designed for Ghana. Oh, in fact I don't think the program would survive on our airwaves for even a week....


So why do men cheat? Is it an inherent trait generic to the XY chromosome of men? Or a trait generic to both XY and XX chromosomes? Is it the need for an ego-booster? or pathetic means to hold on to youth? Is it out of boredom? Or is just out of immense curiosity? Is it the fault of their women who do not treat them right thus indirectly pushing them to go look for what they are not getting at home outside?

The controvery and mysters surrounding this topic remains and continues... let me know your opinion!


7 comments:

  1. wow,this article is very intriguing.i think men should learn to hold on to christian values and stop givin excuses for their uncalled for behavior.afua i think you should be a journalist,writer or sthg along those lines,you are great with these things.... Chichi

    ReplyDelete
  2. bottom line:
    human beings, men, women, have sexual feelings which would be explored by individuals one way or the other!

    there's nothing Christian or Islamic or Antoa-Nyama about this @1st Comment.

    both women and men cheat! and it doesn't matter the social status! right from b/f - g/f relationships to break-ups to marriages to estrangements, men and women cheat!

    if it's about the Genes of men then it must equally be about the genes of women! else who do the men cheat with mainly? few men go 'sniffing' the anus of goats and the like.

    These things don't make or unmake a man and i wonder why the world makes too much out of it. we have rather very serious problems to deal with. once no man spends taxpayer's money without the consent of the taxpayer to have a 'cheat' with a consenting woman, there must be no bothering!

    i dare say let the cheating continue till we realise it's a non-issue!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Whether or not we are religious people - we are still humans and we are capable of doing anything for various reasons, cheating inclusive.

    Infact we've all cheated on a relationship in some form or the other at some point. What I believe is that we each ought to personally define what we mean by 'committment' - be it in marriage, relationship, friendship.. wotteva, and try to stick with it. Once we've done that, we should let our partners know! Then, we know what and what not to expect as far as committment is concerned in a relationship... once that has been sorted out, everyone is happy!

    ReplyDelete
  4. There is a very simple reason why disgraced politicians should immediately resign no matter what the offense, or the talent they may possess which could benefit society: in this partisan, acrimonious, political environment in which we currently live, and at this point in time in our nation’s evolution, any elected official needs as much support from his constituency which he or she can gather. After the offense, that support base will undoubtedly diminish, and render their service less effective.

    As for resignation, you might check out this.

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  7. Excellent blog.This program Cheaters must me introduce in ghana.so that cheaters will be caughted red handed.Thanks for sharing the information.Generic Viagra

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